


hitomeguri

by moonflovers



Category: Haikyuu!!, ハイパープロジェクション演劇「ハイキュー!!」| Hyper Projection Play "Haikyuu!!" RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Gods & Goddesses, Alternate Universe - Reincarnation, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Edo Period, Falling In Love, Forbidden Love, Goodbyes, Heavy Angst, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Pain, Pining, Reincarnation, Shinto, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-13
Updated: 2018-09-13
Packaged: 2019-07-11 21:45:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,332
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15981131
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moonflovers/pseuds/moonflovers
Summary: On a sunny day, during the time of the samurai, a god meets a dying boy and his cat on the edge of his forest.“Oh, hello! My name is Koutarou!”“My name is Keiji, Koutarou. It is a pleasure to meet you.”The reincarnation au none of you realised you needed until now.





	hitomeguri

**Author's Note:**

> I KNOW I SAID I WOULDNT POST ANYTHING UNTIL I WAS DONE WITH MY LONGFIC BUT MY ASS IS SUFFERING I NEED TO POST THIS!!!  
> This is basically a reincarnation au with a twist and more angst because I like angst. Enjoy!

part i.

They meet again on a cool summer’s eve, filled with birdsong and rays of light that filters through the trees of the park. Keiji’s strolling through, taking a break from his responsibilities of helping people create strategies for whatever they needed it for. His hands feels dirty with blood and his eyes sting from unshed tears and his heart feels like it’s experiencing happiness and disappointment and shame and anger all at once.

_ It’s hard being a god. _

Something soft brushes against Keiji’s leg and he looks down to be greeted by a small orange cat that looks unimpressed by the sight of him, as if it knows he’s a heavenly deity and expected something grander. The thought of that makes Keiji smile softly and he stoops low to pet the kitten. He notices it has a red collar tied to its neck and a small, smooth stone is attached to it with the name “Kasuki” engraved on it.

“ _ Hello,  _ Kasuki _. You must belong to someone, do you not? _ ” He asks it, letting his tongue form words that are lost to time. It does not matter that he is in public; he speaks softly so that only the cat can hear him.

Kasuki cocks its head at him before sitting down and licking its paw, blissfully unaware on how worried their master may be. Without even needing to decide, Keiji scoops the pet up and drapes him on his shoulder then continues his walk; he could find Kasuki’s owner later.

Keiji closes his eyes and breathes deeply. “ _ Kasuki, as you are a cat, you will burden my woes in exchange for your momentary freedom. You see _ \- oof!”

When Keiji opens his eyes, he feels something in him stir. Golden eyes look back at his, which takes his breath away. Suddenly, all the pain he feels is multiplied magnified a thousand times and a deep ache in his chest he hasn’t felt in years reappears.

_ Koutarou _ .

part ii.

They sit down on an old winding tree that’s bent by the harsh winds brought by the monsoons that come often when it was just a sapling. Inside it, is a nest of baby owls, newly born. Keiji smiles and runs his hand across it, feeling fond.

“I took care of this tree when it was still small. It survived a harsh monsoon as a small sprout amongst the others that came with it and I was deeply touched by it,’ Keiji sneaks a glance at the teenager whose mouth is forming an ‘o’. “It bends not because it bows down to the wind but because it shows its respect.”

“You’re amazing, Keiji! No wonder you became a god!” Koutarou says, eyes shining.

Keiji holds his eye for a moment before laughing and stumbling to hold the boy in his arms. But as always, Koutarou easily picks him up and kisses his cheek, sending tingles down Keiji’s hands. He moves his face slightly so that he has access to Kouarou’s lips and kisses him softly. They break apart but Keiji laces their fingers together, feeling the calluses that’s the result from all the hours the mortal spends practising with the katana he gifted him.

“You’re funny,” Koutarou tells him, squeezing his hand. “I should love you.”

“You should. I’m a god,” Keiji tells him sombrely.

The laughter that escapes Koutarou’s lips is musical and loud, like a band of instruments go off at the same time, playing a melody that elates anyone who hears it. It brings warmth to Keiji’s heart and he only smiles harder.

“Well, I love you. I won’t ever stop loving you until I die,” Koutarou says, kissing his nose. “I love you so much, Keiji.”

“As do I, Koutarou,” the words are painful but Keiji kisses him again and they fall down to the grass, left alone in their own little world.

When Koutarou dies, Keiji is left with nothing but emptiness and the silence of an orchestra.

part iii.

“It sounds like you’re in love,”

Keiji grimaces and gives Akinori a scathing glare that sends the forest spirits scampering away from them.

“That’s impossible. I cannot be in love,” he says. “Especially with a  _ mortal _ .”

Akinori smirks at him. “Keiji, are you afraid? I didn’t know you were that type of god,” he teases.

“I am not afraid of anything!” Keiji looks down at the ground, wishing it could send him to the realm of the underworld so he didn’t have to deal with this.

“Mmm, you’re still denying it, Keiji. You’ll admit that I’m right sooner or later,” Akinori says. “All mortals will have to die in the end.”

They were supposed to walk around the Tennoji Temple and catch up with each other since they hadn’t seen each other in over ten years. It’s fleeting time for a god but Keiji does miss his friend. He just didn’t expect that they’d be talking about this.

Keiji rolls his eyes. “I should know. I was a mortal once and I died before I was made into the god of strategy. How funny of the god who chose me,” he says dryly. “I would prefer death over centuries of life.”

Silence covers them before Akinori speaks. “You do not like being immortal?” He asks, almost bashfully.

“I suppose,” is Keiji’s reply. “It is amazing that I get to live centuries and see how far we’ve come but it is sad sometimes; it feels lonely.”

“I see. Well, Keiji, I should return to my own abode. May Koutarou be blessed with happy days,” before Keiji can reply, the older god disappears in a flash of white.

Keiji looks down at his feet and grimaces. Akinori always leaves him, like he’s afraid of spending too much time with him. But the day is well spent and the sun dips down the horizon, leaving the sky streaked with pinks and oranges that cast off an ethereal glow to the trees. With a sigh, Keiji stalks off to a nearby shrine and tips his head- a small habit that most likely comes from his mortal days. “May Koutarou be blessed happiness with the remaining years of his life,” the way he says it is bitter and with spite. Perhaps Akinori is right after all. “May he live his days in peace.”

Before leaving the shrine, Keiji tosses a coin that Koutarou gave him to the small slot so that the heavens may hear him better. “May he find someone who makes him happy.”

part iv.

When Keiji wakes up, the first thing he notices is the presence beside him. Bokuto is still snoring, grey hair highlighted with black still covering his eyes. Keiji is almost tempted to brush them away but he doesn’t want to risk waking the boy up so he quietly dismantles himself away from the blankets and stands up to find a spare shirt.

The shirt he finds is loose on his frame and almost reaches his knees. But no matter, Keiji doesn’t mind this at all. It smells like  _ Koutarou _ ; it feels safe. He leaves the dim bedroom and makes his way to the kitchen to make breakfast. He hums a song that would be considered old to many but to an immortal person like him, it feels as if it just came out.

He checks the fridge for eggs but before he can get them, he feels someone warm standing beside him and holds his waist gingerly. With a smile, he turns around and sees Bokuto with his hair covering his eyes with a silly grin that makes him feel oh so  _ weak _ . The ace of Fukurodani envelopes him in a warm hug and Keiji buries his face on the crook of Bokuto’s neck.

“Morning, Akaashi,” Bokuto whispers. “You sleep well?”

Keiji hums. “I did. Is eggs for breakfast okay?” He asks.

Bokuto looks up and makes a face as if he’s mulling deeply over it. Then he smiles and winks at Keiji. “How about I just eat you-“

“Bokuto-san! It’s too early for this,” his words are sharp but he can’t help but smile at the glowing boy in front of him. “Let’s make breakfast instead.”

“Of course, ‘kaashi,” Bokuto places his hand on Keiji’s shoulder before pulling it back and looking through his fridge, taking out some eggs and fresh milk before closing it. Then, they set off to make their breakfast just like that. Beams of light pass through the translucent curtains giving their surroundings a nostalgic feeling. Keiji finds himself watching Bokuto concentrating on their food too many times and Bokuto catching him many more.

“Akaashi, you’re the best thing to happen to me,” Bokuto tells him in the middle of their breakfast and Keiji breaks a bit inside.

_ Remember, you have to let go of this soon. _

__

part v.

“My name is Bokuto Koutarou! Thanks for finding Kasuki for me!”

Keiji’s mouth feels dry as he watches Koutarou-  _ no _ , Bokuto run his hand lovingly across Kasuki’s spine, who purrs in content. There’s something about Bokuto’s aura that feels so close to the way Koutarou’s used to feel. In fact, Keiji would even say that it’s exactly the same if it weren’t for the fact that Bokuto’s felt more warmer, more matured and happier than Koutarou’s.

“Yes, you’re welcome, Bokuto-san. I’ll be going now,” Keiji’s mind is at a blank and his body moves on autopilot as he backs away, like he’s readying himself to retreat from a powerful enemy who could strike him down in one hit. Perhaps Bokuto could without trying, without Keiji noticing.

_ How willing would he be? _

“Ah, but can I repay you in any way? I could treat you for lunch!” Bokuto’s smile is warm and welcoming but Keiji feels terror bloom inside him.

So why does he say yes? Why does he fall into step beside the young boy who leads him deep into the city, still holding his cat between his arms.

_ Because you love him. That’s all you know. You love him. _

“What’s your name, by the way? 

Keiji looks down, suddenly embarrassed by the way Bokuto smiles so genuinely at him. The last reincarnation of Koutarou was distant and cold and unsure of himself. There was still warmth of course, but it felt like the scarce heat from dying embers, ready to give out any moment. And it ended that way; embers don’t last very long.

But Bokuto seems like a blazing fire that attracts Keijib beckons him to jump down the deep end of the pool.

“My name is Akaashi Keiji. Nice to meet you, Bokuto-san.” Keiji replies, a small smile tugging on his lips as he watches Bokuto beam even brighter.

“Nice to meet you too, Akaashi-san!” The boy blinks at him then looks away, a soft smile replacing the other one, almost looking contemplative. “You have beautiful eyes.”

Keiji feels a pang of pain in his heart but he doesn’t mind it. Not eve one bit.

_ You’re in love. Even after all this time, you’re in love. _

part vi.

The pain that Keiji feels is nothing compared when he gave Koutarou a part of his lifeline. But it lasts for hours unlike the thirteen minutes of agony he had to endure then. He wants to close his eyes and die but he can’t because he’s a god and he shares his life with Koutarou now. He can’t die.

But he does pass out.

When he comes to, Akinori is by his side, tending to his wounds in a room that’s unfamiliar but welcoming and friendly. The only source of light comes from the candles that rests on the bedside table where a bowl of water is also set. Keiji flinches when the cold and wet towel comes in contact with his skin again but he doesn’t complain. There’s a slight frown in Akinori’s face though which means trouble for Keiji.

When Akinori speaks, his voice cuts him to the bone and Keiji winces. “You’re unbelievably stupid, you know?”

“I know.” It’s the only thing he can say. Everything else seems like it’s either too much or too less.

“All mortals die. And they must stay dead, Keiji. You know that better than anyone else.”

“I know. I’m sorry.”

 The elder god sighs before brushing Keiji’s hair away from his eyes. “You got me worried, you know? I can’t believe you survived,” his voice shakes a bit and Keiji understands that he’s worried and fearful for  _ him _ . Something in him aches when he sees that look. There’s something indescribably raw about it, so sad and in- he pushes the thought away to a dark corner of his mind where he cobwebs and dust gather; he’d rather be ignorant and live in bliss.

“Well, I did,” Keiji offers his smile as a sorry and Akinori takes it, smiling back, if not a bit forced around the edges.

“But are you ready to face the consequences?”

The answer is simple and Keiji doesn’t even need to think about it.

“For Koutarou, I would face anything.”

part vii.

“Can I sit here?”

Keiji looks up from his book to meet the eyes of golden eyes. After a second, he nods numbly at the boy who gives him a silly grin.

“Thanks,” the boy with white hair sits down beside him just as the train pulls away from the station again.

Keiji doesn’t try to initiate a conversation and goes back to his book no matter how hard his heart is beating. He tries to read his book after a few minutes, he realises he’s been reading the same paragraph all over again. He sighs and takes his glasses off, putting his book on his lap and gazes out the window to watch the hills roll by. He’s about to drift to a world of empty dreams when he hears the shutter of a camera going off. His head snaps to the source of the sound and scowls at the sheepish looking boy.

“I’m sorry! You just looked really good and peaceful and you’re really, really pretty!” The boy says, rubbing the back of his head nervously while not looking at his direction.

Keiji regards him for a moment before nodding. “That’s okay. How old are you?” He asks, finally deciding to test his hypothesis.

The boy brightens up. “I’m turning eighteen tomorrow!” He says excitedly. “I’ll finally be able to travel the world alone!”

Keiji nods again. “Good luck,” he says, standing up to leave for another carriage. Unfortunately, he as right. “It was nice to meet you.”

The boy looks confused but he doesn’t stop Keiji. But why should he? They’re merely strangers who will never meet again.

“You too! Uh, stay safe!”

When Keiji shuts the door, he nearly collapses. Eighteen. After meeting four reincarnations of Koutarou he understands. He finally understands.

They never reach the age of eighteen.

part viii.

“Akaashi, can I call you by your given name?”

The sun is setting behind Bokuto, beyond the horizon. They just finished practice and like always, they walk together to the train station and make stops to the small restaurant an elderly couple run together. They always eat the small snacks they offer and leave big tips because why not?

Keiji feels his face heat up and gives Bokuto a reproachful look. “Bokuto-san,” he warns lowly so that only his captain can hear him.

Bokuto only pouts but Keiji knows better than that. The third year will probably invite him to his house so that they can talk about it or make out or do something else. And he’s right because before Keiji can part ways, Bokuto takes his wrist and asks him to go with him.

“No one’s at the house tonight. C’mon, Akaashi,” Bokuto says, almost whining.

And like always, Keiji says yes. Is it so bad that he indulges in his wants once in a while?

When they finish cleaning their mess and Keiji is wearing his customary shirt and Bokuto in a pair of shorts, Bokuto finally speaks to him again.

“Can you call me Koutarou, ‘kaashi?” Bokuto asks as Keiji slips back beside Bokuto to get some sleep.

“I would rather not,” Keiji tells him honestly, hopelessly praying that Bokuto would just drop it.

“But why?  _ Akaashi _ ,” Bokuto lifts his hand to stroke Keiji’s cheek, ever so briefly like he’s afraid he might crumble away if he’s too rough with him during these moments.

So funny how a meaningless name now holds so much meaning for Keiji now over the past year he’s spent it with Bokuto.

“Please don’t,” Keiji whispers. He can’t look away from Bokuto’s eyes for some reason. There’s so much raw emotion in them that he can’t help be but entranced by the sight of them.

“Why do you look at me like I’m someone else?” Keiji flinches and finally lowers his eyes. “I don’t understand, Akaashi. Who am I to you?”

Keiji is silent for a moment before shifting in the bed to face away from Bokuto. “I don’t know.”

The room is quiet for a single second before Bokuto speaks again. “I love you, Akaashi,” he says, words thick and heavy with emotion. They sound desperate to Keiji’s ears and it breaks his heart a bit.

But Keiji doesn’t even have to think anymore. He stands up and collects his clothes from the bedroom floor of Bokuto Koutarou.

“I am not your lover. Please remember that, Bokuto-san,”

After that, Keiji doesn’t talk to Bokuto for months.

part ix.

When Keiji opens the door to his house, he was not expecting Akinori to be there.

“Hey, Keiji. Mind if I crash here for the night?” Akinori asks, already stepping inside his abode.

Keiji nods, still confused. “Not at all. Why are you here?” He hasn’t seen Akinori for several decades. And Akinori never visits uninvited unless there’s some sort of emergency.

“Keiji...” Akinori gives him a troubled look. “You’re dying.”

For a moment, Keiji thinks Akinori is joking and smiles at him, waiting for him to tell him it’s just a joke or crack a smile as well. But it doesn’t happen and Keiji is left to feel the cold reality drench him with unease.

“What do you mean?” Keiji asks.

“Keiji, you are a god. Gods tend to live forever unless forgotten but you share the lifeline of a man. A mortal man who was was dead,” Akinori explains. “Why do you think Heaven let you live?”

“I- I don’t... But Koutarou? How could I let h-“

“He will die in the end either way. If you choose to keep Koutarou living for just a while longer, you will die with him. Or you could let him go before the next cycle begins,” Akinori says, taking his hands in his. “Keiji, please. You must let him go.”

“But I can’t. Akinori, I love him. I would rather die than lose him,” Keji says, pushing his hands away. “What can I do but die with him?”

Akinori stares at him with eyes that held so many secrets, that held so much memories in them that Keiji could not almost breathe, mesmerised by the emotion in them. “I understand, Keiji. But I made a decision like this before and I lived. And now, I will lose it all,” Akinori looks away. “Keiji,  _ please _ .”

Keiji had always expected. He always had his suspicions but he never expected Akinori to admit it out loud. But he can’t turn back time, even if he is a god. He stays in the present and moves closer to Akinori. He raises his hand up and lets it graze the older god’s cheek gently, barely touching his skin.

“I am sorry, Akinori. But I don’t remember the time I was alive,” he says softly. “That was not me. I’m sorry.”

“I know, Keiji,” Akinori holds Keiji’s hand and squeezes it before removing it from his face. “But I still care for you. Just as you care for Koutarou.”

They don’t move, foreheads touching, noses so close Keiji can see Akinori’s eyes, colours ever changing from gold to murky brown to greens that seem to dull. Akinori eyes flicker down to his lips and Keiji is ready for it but all he gets are soft lips against his cheek and warmth that fades away.

“Make a decision soon, Keiji. I’ll miss you,” and like that, he’s gone again.

Keiji brings his hand to the spot where Akinori kissed his cheek but all he feels is pain that grows within him.

part x.

Keiji sees Bokuto again in the crowds of a festival and his heart jumps into his throat because all he can think of is  _ Koutarou _ .

His hair is up like always but his clothes are reminiscent of the clothes Koutarou would wear on the days Keiji would visit him in the forest and go around to watch the owls or swim in the river together. A blue kimono with a faded white shirt that always looks like it was put on in a hurry. A permanent smile is on his face as he walks with several of his close friends, Keiji assumes. He wants to look away but he can’t. He misses Bokuto and his heart aches even more as he realises he still hasn’t made a decision.

“Akaashi?”

Unfortunately for him, Bokuto catches his eye and actually calls out for him, actually goes running up to him with a bright smile on his face like they never had a fight, like Bokuto never asked such questions, like Keiji never said such things.

“Bokuto-san. Fancy seeing you here,” Keiji says.

“Yeah! Want to walk around?” Bokuto offers.

Keiji looks at Bokuto’s outstretched hand and gods, all he wanted was some more time. All he wanted was for Koutarou to be happy.  ~~ All he wanted to be was to be selfish. ~~ So he takes the hand and squeezes it tight.

“Shall we?” Keiji asks, already knowing the answer.

“Let’s go!” Bokuto says, already leading him to the sea of people.

They play games together and point at different masks they like. Koutarou wins him a prize that prompts Keiji to give him a kiss on the cheek. Maybe he wants to enjoy this before the end. Before he finally dies with Koutarou.

When night falls, they sit down together in a deserted area where no one seems to want to go. It’s fine with Keiji so long as he’s alone with Bokuto who has his arm slinged around his shoulder.

“Was that just pretend?”

Keiji looks at Bokuto, surprised at the question. “What?”

“Was today just an act? Did you just let me indulge in a fantasy?” Bokuto asks, eyes distant as he looks at the clear sky, filled with stars.

“I- of course not. I enjoyed today,” Keiji says weakly.

Bokuto rounds up on him. “Then why are you so sad? Do I really make you unhappy? Was it just for the sex?” Tears roll down Bokuto’s cheeks but Keiji doesn’t make a move to wipe them.

“Of course not. Bokuto-san, I would like to confess something to you,” Keiji takes a deep breath. “You remind me of someone I love dearly.”

“Oh. So, I’m just like a rebound or something?” Bokuto asks, moving away from Keiji.

Keiji sighs before scooting over to the mortal. “No. You’re something better,” he says. “You are him. And I love him but I do not know if I should love you for just that.”

Keiji pauses then gets up to kneel in front of Koutarou and hold his face with his hands and stare at his golden eyes. “But I fell in love with you too. And I’m scared because of that. Because you deserve better than what I can offer.”

“Huh? Akaashi, what do you mean? I think you’re enough if-“

“Koutarou, I am a god. And I am your lifeline.”

Keiji knows his eyes are a bright viridian, much brighter than normal. He knows that Koutarou should feel it, the heavy aura of a god before him and it shows through his face, his slack jaw and wide eyes.

“Akaashi?”

“And I was scared because you never live past the age of eighteen because you died and I kept you alive even if you are a mortal. I couldn’t bare the idea that I’d lose you. I’m sorry,” Keiji says. “But I would die with you if I have to. I don’t mind.”

“What? Akaashi, please,” Bokuto backs away and gives a nervous laugh. “What do you mean you have to die with me? You’re a god.”

“But I-“

“You shouldn’t die for me. I don’t mind dying. When did I first live?” He asks.

Keiji cocks his head. “Tokuga-“

“Edo period? Akaashi, I think I’ve lived far too many times for a mortal being and died too. I don’t want to be burden to you,” Bokuto says.

“But I love you. I don’t want to live without you,” Keiji feels utterly weak on his knees and collapses. He rests his head on Bokuto’s chest who has his arms on his back, rubbing soothingly into it.

“I love you too, Akaashi Keiji. But you’re a god. Don’t you have responsibilities?”

“There are thousands of gods who could easily replace me. Besides, I am nothing more than a minor god. Perhaps like Tenjin-sama but on a smaller scale,” Keiji says. “I am no one important.”

“But you are. Akaashi, you are a god. Wouldn’t someone miss you?” The image of Akinori flashes in his mind and he feels a stab of guilt pierce his heart.

“Yes.”

“Then you should let me go,” Bokuto says, leaning forward. “I love you.”

“As do I, Koutarou.”

~~ part xi. ~~

On a sunny day, during the time of the samurai, a god meets a dying boy and his cat on the edge of his forest.

“Oh, hello! My name is Koutarou!”

“My name is Keiji, Koutarou. It is a pleasure to meet you.”

** THE END **

**Author's Note:**

> If you have any complaints, you may reach me through the comments or through my twitter @gloomstars
> 
> Check my other bokuaka fic out: Black Paper Planes


End file.
